Today I decided to take the day off from the gym. Surprisingly I didn’t even feel guilty! Last night my legs were so sore I was limping so I probably needed to take a break. I went to the mall, Toys R Us (yup), then got a delicious reuben from Lou & Harry’s. I’ve been craving a reuben for about a month and it was probably the highlight of my week.
It’s easy to get caught up in daily annoyances. I myself am often preoccupied with all the different reasons why my current situation is not ideal. As human beings we are constantly striving towards something more. We often are too preoccupied with the dangling carrot of “success” hanging in front of us that we forget to really think about how privileged we are.
Imagine coming to this country with one bag of possessions, after fleeing your own country and staying in a refugee camp for an indeterminate amount of time. You literally have one bag, the clothes on your back, and the family members you came with (if any). You’re in a foreign land – you don’t speak the language, have no mode of transportation, have no idea how American society operates. But you’re in a country where you won’t be persecuted, won’t be tortured, raped, assaulted, or killed for your beliefs. And that matters more than the material objects you left behind. One of the more rewarding aspects of my job is that I get to experience human resilience in the face of being completely displaced.
Life can be dissappointing. Life is often disappointing. No matter how much material wealth you gain, you will always want more. This is the Second Noble Truth in the Buddhist philosophy. No matter how successful we are, we are never satisfied. As humans, we suffer, because we desire and crave. We become so attached not only to our material possessions, but to our ideals of how our life should be. Then we grow frustrated when the world doesn’t conform to these ideals. Think about it…how many times have you went on vacation, only to return and immediately start thinking about your next one? How much stock do you put into owning material possessions, not just because you want them, but because they make you appear successful? Cars, new clothes, houses, jewelry….it’s all just stuff. Without his character, experiences, morals, and values, man is nothing.
So the next time I start bitching about how little money I make, or any other daily annoyance, I’m going to stop and think about the people who have so much less than I do. People who come to this country with literally nothing, because nothing is better than what they left behind. I am going to stop and think about how priviledged I was to have grown up in this country with the opportunities and the means to do what I want, to be independent, to be happy. And I hope you do the same.
You know you’re getting old when you can’t sleep in past 9 am on the weekends. I used to sleep in until 2 pm if you’d let me. Really, anything before noon was considered early and to be honest, absurd. Now, even if I try to sleep in, I’ll get this itch in my head that won’t stop…nagging me that there’s shit to do, even if it’s stupid little things like working out and grocery shopping. And in true middle aged woman fashion, I will not go grocery shopping without first checking all the sales and gathering my coupons. But really that’s more of a recent thing brought on by the fact that I earn less than a manager at McDonald’s (and I have college degree).
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about how my mindset is changing as I get older. This is probably caused by the fact that I’m turning 27 this year. No, it’s not like I’m turning 30…but I really can’t even claim I’m in my mid twenties anymore. Oh no my friend, in less than 6 months I will be entering my late twenties. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those boo-hoo I’m getting old types of people, might as well start eating prunes and drinking Ensure. I’m not going to go through a quarter-life crisis and start botoxing my non-existent wrinkles Kim Kardashian-style (what a stupid bitch). It’s really my behavior and preferences…likes and dislikes, that are changing. I guess you could say I’m “maturing,” because I’m noticing this, and it doesn’t bother me.
For instance, I no longer have the ability to party until 4 am and then get up and work in the morning like I used to. It seems that somewhere after the age of 25-ish that switch pretty much turned off. Like all the other suits in this world, I have a full time 8-5 job Monday through Friday. So no, chances are I will not be going to your birthday at a bar if it’s in the middle of the week. The only time that’s even excusable anyway is if you’re turning 21 (and at my ripe old age there aren’t too many 20 year olds left in my group of friends.) I understand that some people do work nights, but weekday drinking is really only worth it if it’s something extremely fun, like a concert. Sleeping is a lot more enticing on a Tuesday night than the bar…because really, been there, done that.
Another old-person trait I have acquired: worrying about money. Constantly. Not in a, my bills aren’t going to get paid this month kind of a way…more like, I need a better job so I can pay off the 14 grand I still owe in student loans kind of a way. Or- get this – actually being able to afford to put some money into a 401K so I’m not working till the age of 80. Or maybe being able to put money into my savings, which I haven’t been doing in over a year. That sort of thing. That college degree I spent a lot of money on would come in handy, if I could get a decent job that utilized it at some point. True, I allow myself certain luxuries that I could do without…like a gym membership (which is the only luxury, now that I think about it). But really, it’s not a luxury because without it I would probably be spending a lot more money on things like anti-depressants and psychiatrists. I go to the gym 5-6 days a week and it’s pretty much my therapy. I slave away at two jobs, it’s the least I can do for myself.
My point is this – after the cloudy, grey, emerging adulthood stage that was my early to mid twenties, I’m starting to reach the point where my life, my goals, my needs and wants, are truly forming. I didn’t know what the hell I wanted to do with my life when I was 22. I still don’t even really know now. Maybe I’ll find out in my late twenties.
While reading someone else’s blog, and following some links to different articles about introverts vs. extroverts, I came to a realization…I am an introvert. I got really excited reading these articles, because I felt like I was reading an article about me. I connected so much with it.
Introverts are characterized by requiring lots of downtime, “personal time,” to recharge, and are easily exhausted by certain social situations. This doesn’t mean they’re not social – it’s just that they require time alone afterwards. Introverts are said to get their energy from themselves, while extroverts get their energy from others. I found this particular excerpt from a website interesting, and it hit very close to home, even though it’s an article about children:
“Those who prefer introversion go within themselves to process their emotions and recharge. They are the kids who tell you about the bully on the playground three days after they’ve been roughed up or teased. Ask about their day right after school, and they have a one syllable answer. It’s not until bedtime that they’re ready for a full discussion, and then you think they’re just stalling. If you ask them how they feel when they are upset, they may not be able to answer – until hours or even days later. Introverts have a strong sense of personal space. If their space is invaded – even by an offer of a hug – they may pull away. It’s not that they aren’t affectionate; they are. They simply like to choose who and when someone comes into their space.” (Source)
Introverts are widely misunderstood, because they are stereotyped as antisocial, shy, or depressed. Not every introvert is the same, just as every extrovert isn’t the same. Being an introvert doesn’t mean that I don’t like to be around people, or that I don’t like being social. I have no problem being in large groups, or going to parties. I am not even necessarily quiet, or reserved. I crave and enjoy being in social situations just as much (but probably not with the same frequency) that an extrovert would.
What I don’t enjoy is scrambling to make small talk, and don’t believe in talking just for the sake of it. I connect with a small number of people, because the only people I truly feel close to are people I don’t have to make small talk with. They’re people I can just be with, and feel comfortable around.
“Introversion is not a pathological condition; it is not an abnormal response to the world. It is simply a personality trait found in a small percentage of the total population. Introverts are different from extroverts and this difference is very difficult for the extrovert to understand because they do not operate in that fashion.” (Source)
In most situations, I like to listen and observe, rather than talk. I pick up on small details many other people don’t. I often feel somewhat misunderstood by people around me, because I am surrounded by extroverts. The truth is, I like being alone. In fact, I require it. I don’t like being bombarded the minute I get in the door. I like to be alone, to process, and relax. In fact, if I don’t have my own private space to retreat to, I turn into a neurotic mess. That is probably 90% of the reason why I left MSU the first time. Being stuck in a tiny dorm room with someone I didn’t know was pretty much a small piece of hell for me.
The article “Caring for your Introvert” is a must read for anyone who believes they have a friend, significant other, family member, or colleague who is an introvert…someone you know that may sometimes appear to you as rude, “aloof,” or doesn’t want to be around you. My favorite excerpt from this article:
“Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially “on,” we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn’t antisocial. It isn’t a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: “I’m okay, you’re okay—in small doses.” “
My boyfriend sometimes assumes I’m angry, or asks if I’m ok….when really, I’m just thinking. (Another great excerpt from the above article: Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don’t say “What’s the matter?” or “Are you all right?”). He thinks I am guarded, or pulling away, when I want to be alone. He grew up as an only child and would probably be what you would characterize as an extrovert, so it makes sense that he doesn’t always understand why I am the way that I am. When I’ve had a terrible day, I don’t want to be around ANYONE. I want to be alone. I rarely talk on the phone, because it’s a similar situation…I know so many people who are on the phone constantly, talking to the same person twice in one day. I am so far the opposite. In fact, I often dread returning calls.
Common Characteristics of an introvert (which pretty much describe me):
· Are territorial – desire private space and time
· Are happy to be alone
· Need time alone to recharge
· Prefer to work on own rather than do group work
· Act cautiously in meeting people
· Do not share private thoughts with just anyone
· Form a few deep attachments
· Think carefully before speaking (practice in my head before I speak)
· See reflection as very important
· Concentrate well and deeply
· Become absorbed in thoughts and ideas
· Limit their interests but explore deeply
· Communicate best one-on-one
· Get agitated and irritated without enough time alone or undisturbed
· Select activities carefully and thoughtfully
I hope this post has been informative. And, if your a friend of mine, and have maybe found me hard to understand, I hope it has been helpful as well.
Go here if you want to take a fun little introversion test (My score: 26, True introvert)
I will never, ever live in an apartment with someone else living above me. I don’t know why I didn’t learn my lesson the first time. Although this is the nicest apartment I’ve had ( and also the priciest, which makes loudass annoying neighbors THAT much annoying), it’s pretty much ruined by the gargantuan douchebags that live above us.
Let me regress. The first apartment my roommate and I lived at was also similarly ruined. About two months after we moved in to our 2nd floor apartment, we got new upstairs neighbors…and a new 60 pound black lab living above us as well. It promptly began waking us up daily, around 7 am, by barking out on the balcony, or sprinting back and forth inside. I’ve never wanted to murder an animal so badly. Despite the fact that it clearly did not comply with the apartment’s pet policy (something we brought up numerous times to management during the NUMEROUS times we complained, with no luck), it was never evicted. So basically we lived out our 12 month lease in living hell, while I dreamed about throwing arsenic spiked hotdogs on to the balcony as a treat for our favorite dog. (Note: I would never poison or hurt an animal). I mean really, what makes you think a 60-70 pound black lab is suitable for apartment living? I know times are tough, but for God’s sake, have a little respect for your neighbors…and your dog. And when my roommate went up to tell them (nicely) to shut their fucking dog up, the lady was a colossal bitch.
Anyway, now we have a couple and their daughter living above us, who are the loudest people on the face of the planet. The neurotic mother vacuums and does laundry about 5 times a day. I realize that the walls are thin, but honestly, WHAT THE FUCK could you be slamming around in your room at 2 am?? I’ve seriously started wearing earplugs to bed at night because if not I will just lay there and stew. Once again, I daydream about violent things…such as going up there and throwing them off the balcony, or recently, slamming her head against the wall or breaking her feet so she can’t stomp around. Last night I had the joy of listening to them fight, because I guess when your apartment is overpriced they still can’t afford decent wall thickness.
I guess it’s my fault for choosing to live in a second floor apartment. I’ve learned my lesson…again.
laura | robertson 